i’ve decided to be a bit more present on my tumblr this year (i know that usually people resolve the opposite but for me this isn’t really a toxic place - i don’t really follow any turds and i don’t have enough of a voice or a following to incite harassment)
generally i use tumblr just to read and absorb and look at pretty pictures (i have almost 25k liked posts and almost zero posts of my own, wow). my lack of personal content comes from me feeling afraid to have conviction and my own voice, feeling afraid of making myself vulnerable and “putting myself out there” (they say that we internet-dwelling introverts are reserved IRL and vivacious online where we can better control our interactions, but i must be one of those next-level introverts who is shy online as well. idk), and most especially from a sense that what i have to say is not valid or original or important (or coherent, for that matter, which you might have already noticed). but i have decided that thoughts like that (my voice is not important) are kind of pathological, if that’s the right word, and in the interest of being assertive (a new year’s resolution), i’m not going to indulge them. if everyone went around believing their input wasn’t important no one would ever achieve anything.
i think also this could be a good space for me to work through some things and flesh out ideas - i have a physical diary that i use often but i find that it gets filled pretty much exclusively with rantings on my conflicting desires to love and accept myself as i am and lose ten million pounds in x months and how i am a disgrace to the body positive community for feeling that way. i feel like there’s more opportunity for diversity in content on here (there fucking better be, siobhan).
so yeah here i am just courteously making you aware (warning!) that more of my ~thoughts~ are coming, maybe…
the worst kind of misogyny
is the kind that seeps out of your uncle’s mouth at christmas dinner
or from your favorite movie you’ve watched 500 times
or that snide comment your cousin makes on vacation
from the people you trust
and so quick
so slickly spoken
you barely catch it